Please let me caution you before you read this page to look beyond the events described below. I do not want anyone to be caught up in sensationalism or hype or anything like that. I've actually been considering editing this page to reflect my heart felt calling upon my life without the story of the night I was first called. I get so much email from people saying how great I must be or what a great calling God has placed on my life. That's nonsense; I'm not great. As you read on, please don't think that my calling is any more important than the calling we all have as Christians, because it isn't. By publishing this recollection, I don't intend to imply that my experience was in any way normative nor would I encourage you to await God to direct you as He did me. God speaks to each one of us differently. Most likely, He had to use the means recorded below just to get my attention. I was then, and still am today, a pretty stubborn guy. Most likely I wouldn't have paid attention to or believed anything other than what you read below. I think God's need to use something this big actually points to my weaknesses, not anything great. For other people, God is able to speak in that still, small voice. So, now that I've warned you to avoid getting caught up in the emotional hype and typical religious responses, please join me as I step back in time to the night God called my name.
I can remember when God called me into ministry. For weeks, I had been praying for some direction, asking God what I should "do with my life." I had several things I was thinking about; Radio DJ, CPA, Psychologist (quite varied aren't they?! Typical for a 15 year old kid). But in the back of my mind, I kept thinking: Minister. But I would just laugh that off. Then it happened.
It was Sunday night. Just your average church service with nothing out of the ordinary. I don't even remember what the pastor preached. I don't remember the songs we sang. But the pastor of our church at the time NEVER let a service go without inviting people to the altar area to spend time in prayer. In my religious habit, I went down to the altar to pray. I began to pray once again about what direction to take my life. Then, I saw the Lord.
I don't know if I'd call it a "vision" or not, but I saw Jesus. It wasn't like any of the paintings of Jesus that exist. I'm not sure how I knew it was Him, but I just did. He was standing before me, back lit in a white light so bright that all I could see was His silhouette. I saw Him and I couldn't move. I can't explain it. I just began to praise Him. Then, He spoke.
"Brandon, will you serve me?" I replied, "YES LORD!" He spoke again.
"Brandon, will you give your life for me?" I replied the same. He spoke again.
"Brandon, WILL YOU SERVE ME?!" Tears began to fall down my cheeks as I cried out "YES LORD I WILL SERVE YOU!!!" He spoke again.
"Brandon! WILL YOU GIVE YOUR LIFE TO ME?!" I could barely utter the words this time because of the tears. I replied, "YES LORD! I WILL GIVE MY LIFE!" He spoke again.
"I want you to dedicate your life to ministry, I want you to go and tell people of Me. I want you to give your life to me." I couldn't utter anything other than, "Yes Lord."
I was sobbing uncontrollably now. Then, His silhouette moved closer, arms outstretched. And the Lord embraced me. I can't explain the feeling; there aren't words. Then He spoke one final time. "Brandon, I love you." And I broke.
I could do nothing but cry. I have no idea how long this really lasted. I don't even know if I actually physically said anything out loud. All I knew was I was in the presence of my Lord, and He had just called my name.
Slowly, the "vision" began to fade. I remained at the altar for quite some time. The tears stopped after a while and I got up to find the church nearly empty. Only my youth pastor and a few friends remained. I couldn't really talk. When they asked what "all that was about" all I could do was say, "He's called my name." I got up and went outside. I got on my motorcycle and just rode.
I wound up out in the country near a favorite spot of mine. It was a wide open field that I liked to visit to look at the stars (a favorite past-time of mine to this day). I began to think, "WOW! God has called ME for ministry. ME!" And my mind filled with all the "big name" men and women of God, and of my pastors and of the people in my church. I began to wonder, "Did God get the right Brandon?" I thought of myself as so insignificant; so unworthy of such an honor. Yet I knew God had not made a mistake. I knew it was what His will for my life was. I looked at that HUGE universe God had made and I felt so very small. Yet I knew the same God who had set each of those stars into place had called my name. And the tears came again.
I was so overtaken by the presence of the Lord once again that I could not even stand. I didn't see anything this time. But I did feel the same thing as when Jesus had embraced me just hours earlier. And I felt at ease. I got back on the bike and went home.
It was hard to sleep that night!
Well, here I am years later and still overwhelmed that God has chosen me. Of all the people He could have called, those who seem so much greater than me and those who seem to be more capable, He called ME. What an honor. I'm nothing special. I'm just an average guy who has my daily struggles and faults like anyone else. I'm far from 'holy' or anything like that. To think about how much He has used me (often times DESPITE me) I am astounded. I don't say this to give myself any glory. I could never minister to anyone. It is merely the Spirit of the Lord working through me. I have never regretted saying "Yes" to the call of the Lord.
Over the years the Lord has continued to show me some details of the ministry He wants me in. And He continues to lead me and guide me into many great opportunities. My primary calling is still to reach out to the young people of our nation. I want to be someone that young people know they can turn to no matter what. I used to think that youth ministry meant being a full time youth pastor somewhere. But I'm learning that God can use me to minister to youth without an office and without the title "pastor" in front of my name. From being a youth sponsor at church to just chatting with young people on the net, I'm able to fulfill the calling God has placed on me. I enjoy it. I love it actually. It can be very tiring and trying work at times, but it's always worth it.
As time goes on, I find that God continues to open up new doors and directs me in different directions. While I'm still called into youth ministry, and plan on spending my life in that area in some capacity, it is beginning to take on a different approach than I had originally anticipated (there I go, me always trying to figure it all out!). I feel God leading me into more of a counseling type ministry for teens instead of a pulpit "youth pastor" thing (yay, now I have to get my Master's! UG!). I'm also discovering that I'm fairly well equipped with good administration skills. I feel called to reach out to some other groups as well. Primarily, I know that God is leading me to help people who are dealing with homosexuality and their faith (for those of you wondering, I am not talking about any type of "ex-gay ministry." I'm not a spiritual head-hunter out to smack people in the head with a Bible or condemn anyone for being gay). I realize that this is a very controversial issue (though it shouldn't be so controversial, we all need to get over ourselves. Sexual preference is only a small part of what makes a person who they are, not the defining aspect) and I won't really go into great detail here. Mainly I just want to be someone that people can turn to knowing that I'm not going to think they're some pervert or incapable of being a Christian or anything like that. A lot of gay people have been really hurt by "well-meaning" church members. As a result, there's a lot of bitterness towards church and even toward God. You know, those people in the church preach a lot of hate in Jesus name, but they're definitely not speaking for Him. Would Jesus ever send a message of hatred for any person? Of course not. I'm sort of an agent between those who have been hurt and the church.
In October of 2001, I began a new online ministry called Gay Christian Outreach. It wasn't really my idea - I truly felt God leading me to begin this new ministry. At the time of this writing (early May, 2002), there's almost 600 members of the website, and we're growing rapidly. At our present rate of growth, we should have over 1,100 members before we celebrate one year online! God has truly changed many lives. Many people who thought God could never love them have come to know His grace and saving power. Others have stated their relationship with Christ is stronger today as a result of the ministry of Gay Christian Outreach. It's a community that truly displays the love of Christ to one another. There are big plans for Gay Christian Outreach, as well. Our Internet Ministry is only the first step of many. To read more about it, head on over to Gay Christian Outreach and click on About GCO, then click on the link that says GCO Future Plans (or you could click on any of the links that just appeared). Non-members of Gay Christian Outreach are able to view that information. We're in the process of incorporating GCO as a non-profit organization so that we may seek out the funding necessary to accomplish our goals for this exciting ministry.
So anyhoo... that's my calling. I just have to say again how truly amazed I am that God continues to use me for His work.
